letting go of our conclusions

Adyashanti suggests that we maintain our suffering (i.e., deep-seated pain) by the stories that we tell ourselves about what happened.  In a nutshell, he suggests that once a person has told their story and felt the feelings, that they then tell the story without drawing conclusions.  (See falling into grace, pages 99-106 for a more in depth discussion of this process.)   It is possible to experience the story but without giving it any meaning.  He uses an example of a woman who was holding onto the story of how her mother was never there when she needed her and therefore she felt abandoned by her mother.  Once the woman told her story and embodied the feelings, Adya asked her to experience the event without words.  She didn't deny that the event happened, but she did not blame anyone either.  She didn't tell herself that she didn't get what she needed.  When she allowed herself to remember the event without telling herself a story about it, the emotion left.

Adya says it like this:

"It was at that moment when she began to realize this link between her mind and her body, between her emotional life and her thinking life.  She began to see how thought and feeling work together to create suffering...  Almost always this deep-seated pain and suffering that stays with us for many years, or even throughout an entire lifetime, are held in place by the unconscious conclusions that we make in the moment.  These moments might occur when we are young children, or when we come down with an illness, lose our job, or break up with a loved one- any moment where we experience deep sadness, grief, or anger.  When you can learn to separate the experience in these moments from the conclusions drawn by the mind, you begin to taste real freedom.  You begin to open a space within you where the emotions can come out in such a way that it doesn't have to repeat itself over and over." (falling into grace, p. 106).

In my work as a therapist as well as in my personal life, I see how these stories from our past stay embedded in our psyches.  Adya is providing us with a way to move beyond these stories and finally let go of the past (i.e., to let go of our samskaras as Michael Singer would say). 

In the last posting I talked about asking the question "What part of me does not want to let go?" when we are having difficulty letting a situation pass through us.  Here is another question that we can ask when we are suffering "What is the story that I am holding onto in this situation?  Can I allow myself to have this experience without drawing a conclusion?"

What beautiful techniques Michael Singer and Adyashanti have given us to use on this journey.  I will concentrate this week on noticing my stories and the conclusions I have drawn.  I welcome your comments and experiences with this as well.

Do you want form or do you want spirit?

Michael asks "Do you want form or do you want spirit?"  Form consists of things like money, relationships, health...  These are good things, however, the reason that we want them is because they make us feel open, energized, good on the inside...which is spirit.  So what we really want is spirit.    When you are feeling closed off from joy, love, peace ask yourself "What part of me wants to stay closed?"  "What part of me does not want to open?" and let go of that part of you.

I received an unexpected bill in the mail and my first reaction was to tense up with fear.  I found it helpful to ask "What part of me is staying closed now?"  The part of me that is afraid that my needs will not be met is the part that was keeping me from opening.  Realizing this, I was able to let go of that part of me.  

I asked the same question when I was unable to let go of some resentments this week.  The part of me that did not want to let the resentments go was the part of me that is afraid that I am not enough.  Once again, identifying which part of me was closed off, helped me to let go of the resentment.

Asking this question helps to ground me more deeply into what I am experiencing...both the thoughts and the emotions.  Adyashanti talks about the idea that we need to experience both our thoughts and feelings before we can let them go.  Once we have embodied the feelings and thoughts they will often pass. 

Some of our deeper pains will not pass so easily.  In my next posting I will discuss some of Adyashanti's thoughts about letting go of these deeper issues.


    

letting the energy flow

"The only thing that blocks the energy of Life flowing is human struggle. Life is way beyond the human. Because it is so present and so strong, if you would just pause and look at it, think about it, let it manifest itself, you'd begin to feel the Presence of this generating energy. Just turn to it, acknowledge its Presence, acknowledge that it fills all space and cannot be denied." Quote from Michele Longo-O'Donnell

This is the same idea as the messages that I have been talking about from Adyashanti and Michael: let go of struggle and open to the energy of life no matter what is happening in your life.

This week I had some feelings of worry about someone that I care about.  I sat with the feelings and relaxed into them.  This took me deeper into some pain (Michael would say that this was pain associated with a samskara or blocked energy from the past) which I felt and moved through.  However, some worry and a little heaviness remained.  Despite my best efforts I wasn't able to open up and let these feelings go.  After a little contemplation I realized that this path (or technique) isn't about making the feelings go away as much as it is about transcending the feelings and thoughts of the psyche.  I then did the following:  chose to accept where I was at emotionally (i.e., let go of the struggle), took a breath and relaxed the areas of my body where I was tense, and then I asked myself "Can I be happy even if these feelings are here?"  "Can I choose to open my heart to life even if everything doesn't feel just right?"  Once I chose to stop trying to make the negative feelings go away and opened myself to a higher experience I felt my mood lighten up and I started to feel more energy. 

The energy of life is always present within us. 

I am seeing more and more clearly how my struggles with life keep me from experiencing this energy.  It isn't about fixing the situations or the people in my life, including myself.  It is about choosing to let the energy of life flow inside of me. 

  

working with the heart

Since my goal is to work on myself and not the world, I have been paying very close attention to when my heart is blocked and when I am feeling love, joy, exuberance for life etc.  When I notice that something has triggered the closing of my heart (including when I feel blue or depressed) I set the resolve to work on my heart until it opens.  Ideally the process goes like this:  focus my awareness on what is going on emotionally, notice the closing or tightening of my heart (this is usually associated with judgment about myself or another, or a feeling of fear, regret, anxiety, loss, annoyance...), deciding not to let this situation close me from the flow of energy (love or joy), and relaxing my heart with lots of deep breaths.  During this process I read my heart carefully for signs of tightness, and I breath deeply to allow it to relax and open.  If I feel pain or fear I continue to relax and release the pain.  Sometimes a deeper feeling of pain is felt and I relax and release that pain.

I have noticed how easy it is to distract myself from unwanted feelings.  The pull to eat something, think about something else, get busy etc is very strong.  At times I would rather bury whatever I am experiencing and settle for the temporary sense of relief that I get from distractions.  Not much different than having a few drinks to escape from life's challenges.  But I know that this is just a temporary avoidance and if I really want to experience freedom I must deal with my present experience and let it go.
   
Michael describes this process as a way to let go of samskaras (blocked energy from the past).  I see that many of my reactions to even minor situations stem from a sense of not being enough and feelings of rejection from the past.  These present situations are gifts...they trigger areas of blocked energy (in psychology we call these unresolved past issues) that keep me from knowing my true essence. 

It seems like the only requirement to living a life of freedom and joy is to recognize that God is my source, not the world.  I choose to let go of  that which blocks me from experiencing this love and joy one moment at a time.

an inside job

I really like Michael's new CD set called "The Journey Within."  It has inspired me to spend my life learning how to embody love 24-7.  Yes, it is possible to live this way.  According to Michael we should all be "blissing out all of the time."  Ernest Holmes said  "If you do not love everyone you should begin to do so at once."  (Thank you Alene for the fb posting.)

Michael talks about how we try to arrange our lives so that we can feel the inner sense of happiness or love.  This doesn't work, at least not for long, because life is always changing and so we can never hold on to the happiness or security or love that we are trying to obtain.  He suggests that instead of changing our world to trigger these feelings inside of us, that we work within ourselves to experience these feelings.  Why not go directly for what we want (peace, love, joy within ourselves) so that we are not dependent upon outer circumstances?

Most people let the things that happen in their day determine their happiness.  When something happens that we "like" we feel good.  When something happens that we "don't like" we feel bad.  Most of what we like and don't like is based on past experiences (e.g., if someone reminds you of your uncle who you never liked, then you won't like them).  So we are basically trying to make the world fit into this set of pre-conceived notions and past experiences.  But these judgments cause us to close our hearts and thus block us from feeling happiness or love.   That is not what I want.  I would much rather be experiencing a state of love and joy. 

If you want to join me in this process, just notice how often during the day you are making judgments: this person is weird, that person is too loud, my neighbors are inconsiderate for parking their car in front of my house, I don't like traffic, the price of gas is too high...  We could go on forever with this kind of babbling. 

Instead of fixing the outside, I will notice which events pull me away from love and joy.  And I will work with me, not the world, until I am no longer pulled away from my natural state which is love.