letting go of our conclusions

Adyashanti suggests that we maintain our suffering (i.e., deep-seated pain) by the stories that we tell ourselves about what happened.  In a nutshell, he suggests that once a person has told their story and felt the feelings, that they then tell the story without drawing conclusions.  (See falling into grace, pages 99-106 for a more in depth discussion of this process.)   It is possible to experience the story but without giving it any meaning.  He uses an example of a woman who was holding onto the story of how her mother was never there when she needed her and therefore she felt abandoned by her mother.  Once the woman told her story and embodied the feelings, Adya asked her to experience the event without words.  She didn't deny that the event happened, but she did not blame anyone either.  She didn't tell herself that she didn't get what she needed.  When she allowed herself to remember the event without telling herself a story about it, the emotion left.

Adya says it like this:

"It was at that moment when she began to realize this link between her mind and her body, between her emotional life and her thinking life.  She began to see how thought and feeling work together to create suffering...  Almost always this deep-seated pain and suffering that stays with us for many years, or even throughout an entire lifetime, are held in place by the unconscious conclusions that we make in the moment.  These moments might occur when we are young children, or when we come down with an illness, lose our job, or break up with a loved one- any moment where we experience deep sadness, grief, or anger.  When you can learn to separate the experience in these moments from the conclusions drawn by the mind, you begin to taste real freedom.  You begin to open a space within you where the emotions can come out in such a way that it doesn't have to repeat itself over and over." (falling into grace, p. 106).

In my work as a therapist as well as in my personal life, I see how these stories from our past stay embedded in our psyches.  Adya is providing us with a way to move beyond these stories and finally let go of the past (i.e., to let go of our samskaras as Michael Singer would say). 

In the last posting I talked about asking the question "What part of me does not want to let go?" when we are having difficulty letting a situation pass through us.  Here is another question that we can ask when we are suffering "What is the story that I am holding onto in this situation?  Can I allow myself to have this experience without drawing a conclusion?"

What beautiful techniques Michael Singer and Adyashanti have given us to use on this journey.  I will concentrate this week on noticing my stories and the conclusions I have drawn.  I welcome your comments and experiences with this as well.