a poem about surrender

II, 16

How surely gravity's law,
strong as an ocean current,
takes hold of even the strongest thing
and pulls it toward the heart of the world.

 Each thing -each stone, blossom, child -

is held in place. 

Only we, in our arrogance,

push out beyond what we belong to

for some empty freedom.

If we surrendered
to earth's intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.

Instead we entangle ourselves
in knots of our own making
and struggle, lonely and confused.

So, like children, we begin again
to learn from the things,
because they are in God's heart;
they have never left him.

This is what the things can teach us:
to fall,
patiently to trust our heaviness.
Even a bird has to do that
before he can fly.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

(Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God,

surrender to the mystery

Lately I have been focusing on the idea of surrender: surrendering to God and to the mystery of the unknown.  Some times I find it easier to surrender than others.  Also, I know there is always room for deeper surrender.

I was working on these ideas with a friend and during a time of contemplation I 'heard' my ego say "Absolutely not, there is no way that I am going to let go and surrender everything to God.  I am not going into the unknown."  As I sat with this awareness I started to feel some pain.  I allowed myself to feel into the pain.  After some time a childhood issue surfaced.  I realized that I had drawn a similar conclusion about being vulnerable in life and to others (i.e., to a certain extent I closed myself off from being vulnerable to others as a result of feeling rejected by my Dad...his moods and his ability to be open and loving toward me varied greatly depending on whether he was drunk or sober...one never knew what they were going to get from him).  Little kids are very open and vulnerable and when the adults in their lives reject them it can feel very painful.  Not letting myself be completely open to love became a way to protect myself.

Although I have worked on these childhood issues before, this time was different.  I saw my Dad as a wounded person, not as someone who was (at least at times) cold-hearted and hurtful.  I saw him as someone who was running away from his own pain...something that we all do in one way or another, and at one time or another.  I felt compassion for him.  Although I do not think that I have been holding onto a lot of resentment towards my Dad for all of these years, I have been holding onto a certain amount of discomfort with getting close and being very vulnerable and exposed to others.  Being willing to open my heart to my own pain (once again) helped me to see my Dad compassionately.  Seeing him as a wounded person enabled me to move into compassion and forgiveness.  

It is interesting to see the parallel between my ability to deeply trust and surrender to God and my ability to do this in relationship with others.

I am not saying that it is necessary to go back and re-live or heal from childhood issues as part of one's spiritual work, however, I do believe that whatever healings are needed will happen as we set the intention to open our hearts and minds to God.
  

      

turning within for truth

My daughter is a musical theater student and she auditioned for a part in Fall play. She was called-back several times for one of the lead roles and was very excited and hopeful that she would get the part.  As it turned out she got a role but not one of the leads.  As I was feeling and letting go of the disappointment that I felt for her, I had a change in perspective.

I thought about Robin Williams.  Although worldly achievements are important for our self-esteem and enjoyment in life in the big scheme of things they actually mean very little. Robin had lots of talent and success and still was very unhappy.  Michael Singer talks about the fact that many women value looking beautiful, such as Marilyn Monroe who achieved this goal and yet she killed herself.

The world of effects can be quite exciting and seductive but these positive feelings are always temporary and illusory.  True joy, love and peace are already ours and can be found right where we are standing if we decide to let go of the roles/identity/ego and allow who we really are to come forth. 

Let go of the world of effects and turn within to find out who you really are.

"How we act and feel depends on how awake we are, and how much we experience that silence, that peace within."(Falling into Grace, p. 95)

(P.S., And as it turns out my daughter loves her new part.  I am happy for her but I strive to  not cling to this happiness.  Michael Singer suggests expressing gratitude for that which opens us but not to cling to the feeling nor the outer cause.)

life is waiting for you to be still

It has been a busy week so I will post something that Adya wrote and I may write more later in the weekend.  Here is what Adya has to say about the role that John the Baptist played in Jesus's awakening.  As you will see in the last sentence, the descent of spirit can come to us when we are open to someone who is awakened or when we are open to spirit through some other avenue of life.

"All that life is waiting for is a moment of being still.  Then the resonant force can be activated in you, opening you so that spirit can come alive in you... You no longer identify yourself with your name, or gender, or occupation, or past history.  You know and experience yourself to be pure spirit, the formless and eternal consciousness of all created things...You don't become divine being: you realize it; you awaken to it.  And you awaken to it when you surrender, when you open yourself deeply to another person who's awake or simply to the mystery of life itself." (Resurrecting Jesus, p.63-64)

Surrender.

Be still and listen.

Allow yourself the gift of finding out who you really are, beyond the drama of the mind.  You are so much more and life is just waiting to show you who you are.

All you have to do is say "Yes!".