Still working on noticing when I am reacting to my "story" and the conclusions that I have drawn from this story. The conclusions that I am aware of aren't so much about blaming others, but more about how I view myself and the world. Although I've done lots of personal work in these areas and have made progress, I still find the patterns operating in my life. For example, the tendency to want to avoid feelings of criticism, rejection, and shame by presenting a certain persona to the world, pleasing others, trying to "get it right" ("it" meaning everything!) crops up more than I would like.
As I have been choosing to observe and accept what is happening in my life I have felt more pain arise. Adyashanti says:
"See what it's like when you can feel everything that is there, without telling yourself anything about it...As you become more and more conscious, your emotional suffering can become even greater for a short period of time. Its like you're thawing out from a mental and emotional numbness. But this thawing out is absolutely critical. Because unless we purge ourselves of all the stories that contain our suffering, we won't ever feel the freedom and peace of interacting with life from the perspective of truth." (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)
"Any way that we come to conclusions in our mind about what is or what was or what will be, we are narrowing our experience of life...(and by doing so) you will limit your ability to experience the vastness of who you are." (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)
Do you want to experience the 'vastness of who you are' or the 'limited self of the neurotic roommate?' The choice is ours to make.
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