letting go of judgments

As I was finishing up a run on Friday PM, it struck me that I need to let go of judgments, all judgments including judgments of myself, others, situations etc.  Since then I have noticed many things about judging.  My judgments are often subtle, a little criticism here and there about how I need to do better at this and that, or about how another person is wrong...  Sometimes my judgments are not so subtle. 

I can not emphasize enough how much freer I feel when I let go of judgments.  I now realize that judgments serve absolutely no purpose in my life.  It seems that one of the ways that I have used judging is to keep myself safe.  If I evaluate who or what I am dealing with, I can make better decisions about who or what is safe.  Not so.  I am finding that as I let go of judgments I am more centered and clear, and therefore it is much easier for me to deal with life.  Life is so much simpler when I do not judge.  Adya and Michael Singer talk about "accepting life as it is showing up" and "dealing with what is right in front of us" and I find that I can do this so much easier without judgments.

It is not always easy to let go of judgments, and, it requires a lot of focus to notice when I am judging.  I am changing some of my judgments to preferences (e.g., "I prefer to read this book" as opposed to "I do not like that book.").  Putting so much energy into what we do and do not like seems to be a waste of energy.   Michael Singer gives an example of how we might feel if our new neighbors turned out to be hillbillies.  Instead of judging them, why not view them as interesting?  Does it serve any purpose to judge others just because they are different?

Judgments come from the neurotic roommate not from the Self.  I choose to let them go.  I know this will be a process and I do not judge myself for the times that I mess up! :)

I am so grateful for the awareness that this is what I need to do in order to grow into a greater awareness of who I am.  Thank you God.

freedom from suffering

"Notice how your body feels when you argue with what is.  Notice the emotional change happening, and notice what happens when you begin to open your mind just a little bit and invite the possibility-just the possibility- that maybe your conclusions about an event in life, maybe your judgments about it aren't as true as you think.  Just holding the possibility in your mind, you'll see that your emotional environment begins to change.  You'll start to come more into the present moment and this is what freedom from suffering is all about." (Falling Into Grace, p. 117)

I've often thought that if I only made one change in my life, letting go of judgments would be the one to make.  To judge something is to argue with what is.  When you stop and think about it, arguing with what is is futile.  It prevents energy, events, feelings  etc.from moving through us.  It keeps us locked in the psyche and blocks us from experiencing the power of Spirit.  If I remember this each time I choose to make and hold onto a judgment, perhaps I will let it go more readily. 

As Adya suggests, the way to freedom is to accept what is showing up in each moment.  When we are no longer arguing with what is (thereby trying to change it) fearful feelings may arise.  By taking a breath and allowing the feelings to be, we will find a place of peace within (this is what Michael Singer described as the Observer who is watching the psyche experience fear). 

As Jesus said, "You must become like little children in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."  Little children, for the most part, live in the moment without judgment, without arguing with what is.  Join me this week in accepting life as it is showing up, opening to the possibility that our judgments aren't as true as we think, facing the feelings that arise with courage, and relaxing into a deeper place of Truth.

Awareness

I'm in NY for the week and didn't have a chance to post on the blog before I left. A thought from Michael Singer's CD: "The mind's power comes from consciousness. By focusing on my thoughts I give them power. I choose to put my awareness on Itself." As I am observing and experiencing life in exciting New York City I will do my best to keep my awareness on Itself.  Instead of feeding the thoughts of the neurotic roommate I open myself to the power of Spirit!

letting spirit be your guide

I have spent time this week noticing and letting go of my story and the conclusions that I have drawn.  If I am relaxed and open, life shows me what I need to let go off, including the blocked feelings and negative/limiting thoughts and beliefs.

Instead of trying to make life work by changing what is happening on the outside Michael Singer suggests focusing on yourself, namely, whether you are open or closed (i.e., Is your heart feeling open or closed? Are you relaxed or tight?)  As we stay open we will experience more love and joy.  Of course we still have to make decisions in our lives, and by remaining open and relaxed we will also be more likely to hear the guidance of spirit in our decision making. 

The following beautiful piece was written by Leonard Szymczak (Leonard is an author and therapist.  He will be speaking at the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley on May 27th.):

I recently drove to Los Angeles to visit a friend in hospital. Having set my GPS (AKAAlice) with the address, I confidently wove my way through traffic on the freeway. However, with the music blaring and my mind rehearsing an upcoming speech, I didn’t hear Alice announce the turnoff. Needless to say, I realized all too late that I had missed my exit. Instead of berating me, Alice reacted in a calm voice, “Recalculating,” then issued new instructions. It made me think of the times I have difficulty connecting with my inner GPS, Guiding Power of Spirit. Whenever my preoccupied mind whirls like an overhead fan, I can't hear the quiet voice gently guiding me to inner peace. I can't imagine Spirit screaming, "You bloody fool, pay attention!" though, I might say that myself. Rather, I think Spirit is more like Alice, who calmly recalculates without judgment. I'm ever so thankful for an internal guidance system that helps me navigate through dark tunnels and unfamiliar territory. When I veer in the wrong direction, I can count on Spirit to lovingly correct my position and direct me to a higher path. If you ever find yourself getting lost or taking a wrong turn, know that your internal GPS is always there to guide you. Merely set the intention to receive guidance then ask, “Where do I need to go or what do I need to do?” Be still and listen for the answer. There may be a brief period of recalculating, but rest assured, you will hear a gentle voice instructing you back Home to love and inner peace.

the vastness of who you are

Still working on noticing when I am reacting to my "story" and the conclusions that I have drawn from this story.  The conclusions that I am aware of aren't so much about blaming others, but more about how I view myself and the world.  Although I've done lots of personal work in these areas and have made progress, I still find the patterns operating in my life.  For example, the tendency to want to avoid feelings of criticism, rejection, and shame by presenting a certain persona to the world, pleasing others, trying to "get it right" ("it" meaning everything!) crops up more than I would like. 

As I have been choosing to observe and accept what is happening in my life I have felt more pain arise.  Adyashanti says:

"See what it's like when you can feel everything that is there, without telling yourself anything about it...As you become more and more conscious, your emotional suffering can become even greater for a short period of time.  Its like you're thawing out from a mental and emotional numbness.  But this thawing out is absolutely critical.  Because unless we purge ourselves of all the stories that contain our suffering, we won't ever feel the freedom and peace of interacting with life from the perspective of truth." (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)

"Any way that we come to conclusions in our mind about what is or what was or what will be, we are narrowing our experience of life...(and by doing so) you will limit your ability to experience the vastness of who you are."  (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)

Do you want to experience the 'vastness of who you are' or the 'limited self of the neurotic roommate?'  The choice is ours to make.

letting go of our conclusions

Adyashanti suggests that we maintain our suffering (i.e., deep-seated pain) by the stories that we tell ourselves about what happened.  In a nutshell, he suggests that once a person has told their story and felt the feelings, that they then tell the story without drawing conclusions.  (See falling into grace, pages 99-106 for a more in depth discussion of this process.)   It is possible to experience the story but without giving it any meaning.  He uses an example of a woman who was holding onto the story of how her mother was never there when she needed her and therefore she felt abandoned by her mother.  Once the woman told her story and embodied the feelings, Adya asked her to experience the event without words.  She didn't deny that the event happened, but she did not blame anyone either.  She didn't tell herself that she didn't get what she needed.  When she allowed herself to remember the event without telling herself a story about it, the emotion left.

Adya says it like this:

"It was at that moment when she began to realize this link between her mind and her body, between her emotional life and her thinking life.  She began to see how thought and feeling work together to create suffering...  Almost always this deep-seated pain and suffering that stays with us for many years, or even throughout an entire lifetime, are held in place by the unconscious conclusions that we make in the moment.  These moments might occur when we are young children, or when we come down with an illness, lose our job, or break up with a loved one- any moment where we experience deep sadness, grief, or anger.  When you can learn to separate the experience in these moments from the conclusions drawn by the mind, you begin to taste real freedom.  You begin to open a space within you where the emotions can come out in such a way that it doesn't have to repeat itself over and over." (falling into grace, p. 106).

In my work as a therapist as well as in my personal life, I see how these stories from our past stay embedded in our psyches.  Adya is providing us with a way to move beyond these stories and finally let go of the past (i.e., to let go of our samskaras as Michael Singer would say). 

In the last posting I talked about asking the question "What part of me does not want to let go?" when we are having difficulty letting a situation pass through us.  Here is another question that we can ask when we are suffering "What is the story that I am holding onto in this situation?  Can I allow myself to have this experience without drawing a conclusion?"

What beautiful techniques Michael Singer and Adyashanti have given us to use on this journey.  I will concentrate this week on noticing my stories and the conclusions I have drawn.  I welcome your comments and experiences with this as well.

Do you want form or do you want spirit?

Michael asks "Do you want form or do you want spirit?"  Form consists of things like money, relationships, health...  These are good things, however, the reason that we want them is because they make us feel open, energized, good on the inside...which is spirit.  So what we really want is spirit.    When you are feeling closed off from joy, love, peace ask yourself "What part of me wants to stay closed?"  "What part of me does not want to open?" and let go of that part of you.

I received an unexpected bill in the mail and my first reaction was to tense up with fear.  I found it helpful to ask "What part of me is staying closed now?"  The part of me that is afraid that my needs will not be met is the part that was keeping me from opening.  Realizing this, I was able to let go of that part of me.  

I asked the same question when I was unable to let go of some resentments this week.  The part of me that did not want to let the resentments go was the part of me that is afraid that I am not enough.  Once again, identifying which part of me was closed off, helped me to let go of the resentment.

Asking this question helps to ground me more deeply into what I am experiencing...both the thoughts and the emotions.  Adyashanti talks about the idea that we need to experience both our thoughts and feelings before we can let them go.  Once we have embodied the feelings and thoughts they will often pass. 

Some of our deeper pains will not pass so easily.  In my next posting I will discuss some of Adyashanti's thoughts about letting go of these deeper issues.