Contemplation

Adyashanti has a new book "The Way of Liberation" which can be downloaded for free.  See the description below ** of the book and how to download a copy.

This Christmas I received a deeper awareness of the fact that this human identity that we strive to build and maintain (both for ourselves and for others to see) is illusion.  We spend soooo much time and energy trying to form an identity that we think will bring us happiness yet it never works.  Even when the ego gets what it wants, then we have to keep it...and even if we can keep it, most things that bring us happiness end up losing their appeal over time.

I am more deeply aware of the farce and the folly involved with all of this human efforting to create something out of nothing.  It is not real.  It is not who I am.  It is a front that I use to try to get what I want out of life.  

There is another way and that is to discover and connect with Who I Really Am.  This starts with witnessing the ego and letting go of attachment to it.  It is about Being, Presence, Awareness.  

On this New Years Eve we have a great opportunity to let go of that which keeps us hooked in to the false self and to suffering.  There is a section in Adya's book (The Way of Liberation) where he talks about contemplation...which is asking a question or holding a phrase in mind, then moving into the silence, and then bringing the question back to conscious awareness...I contemplated the question "What am I to let go of this New Year's Eve in order that I may make space for Truth to show up as my Reality?"  What came to me is to let go of feeding or stroking the ego. I will spend more time contemplating this question and letting Spirit guide me.

May you have a Joyous and Blessed New Year.  You are not who you think you are.  You are so much more.  You are the Light.      

**"The Way of Liberation: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment"

Download your complimentary copy! (http://e2.ma/click/m0z6d/iheiwc/il5dac)

The Way of Liberation is Adyashanti’s stripped-down, practical guide to

spiritual awakening. With a profound simplicity it outlines the Foundations,

Orienting Ideas, and Core Practices that are essential in the process of waking

up to the absolute nature of Reality and living it to the fullest extent

possible.

The 53-page softcover book will be available to purchase in the online

Bookstore in January, 2013.

Christmas - A Celebration of Light and Life

Jerry Downs wrote:

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Today, we celebrate the Light. More than a mere celebration of a birth, we honor and acknowledge the Light that has given birth to all births, be it a star or a human child. We set aside this day to actually say the words that are spoken in each and every instant by the Light that has given us each instant and every word.

We say thank you for finding Us in You. We say thank you for allowing us to find You in Us. We celebrate our connection by exchanging gifts. We say, “We love you,” and know that it is you who forms the words and uses our ears to hear it for yourself. We touch one another and feel your presence. We see by the reflection of your Light. We smell a rose and your essence rises to greet Us. We taste a kiss and you bloom in every taste bud. We thank you for our body. We thank you for our senses. We thank you for our sense of self. We thank you for our earth. We thank you for our birth.

Today, we thank you for the opportunity to celebrate Our birth in You.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!  I hope that the Christ Consciousness was born in you today, stronger than ever.

I have been working with two ideas this week.  One from Adyashanti who says that sincerity is absolutely essential to spiritual awakening yet being completely honest with ourselves and others is very difficult for most people.  One of the things that can help reduce the tendency to hide from ourselves is to let go of self-judgment.  Self-judgment keeps us from being able to be honest with ourselves.

I have also been working on "not closing" or keeping myself from running away from discomfort (think about the inner thorn analogy and the apparatus used to keep the tender area from being touched).  Instead of trying to fix (and therefore run from) inner discomfort when it comes up I have felt it and stayed with the feeling (allowing the energy to pass through me).  I then choose to let the feeling go...surrendering it to God has helped a lot in the letting go.

In order to let the light in, we need to let go of what is blocking us from realizing Truth.  Please join me this week in letting go of self-judgment and allowing uncomfortable feelings to make their way through.

contemplate these things in your heart

What a difficult week this has been with the tragic shootings in Connecticut.  Reverend Carolyne at Unity of Tustin (www.unitytustin.org/category/podcasts/  See the talk on January 16th) gave a beautiful talk last Sunday about going within and contemplating such events in our hearts.  It isn't possible to make sense of the Connecticut shootings with our heads, yet we can stay present with our experience by going into our hearts and allowing what needs to be healed to come forth.

In addition to feeling heart-ache for everyone involved in the shootings, I find myself wanting to commit more deeply to raising my own consciousness and waking up from the dream of separation.  It is only by raising consciousness that we can move into a significantly new experience of life on this planet.

Along these lines, I have been noticing the tendency to escape from discomfort (whether it be the discomfort related to last weeks events or any other discomfort) instead of being present with and accepting what is right in front of me.  It happens so quickly.  An uncomfortable thought arises and before I even realize it I have figured out how to avoid the discomfort...calling someone, eating something, thinking it through to "fix" or "prevent" the uncomfortable situation...

For example, how often do our attempts to connect with others stem from not wanting to feel alone, or wanting to make sure that we are maintaining the relationship, or needing reassurance that we are loved, or wanting someone to vent to...

Being present often throughout the day in an open and honest way gives me the opportunity to notice how I am letting the psyche dictate my life.  This psyche is based on the illusion of separation from others and from God.  When I think of those innocent young lives which were lost because to a large extent humanity is lost, I am motivated to let the illusion go.   I can't change the world but I can change myself and the best way to do that is to let go of that which is false.  Please join me this holiday season in letting go of what no longer serves us and allowing the magnificence that we are to shine forth as Beauty, Truth, Love and Peace.

the inner dialogue

I attended a beautiful meditation retreat last weekend, during which I felt grounded in Spirit.  Returning to the "real world" this week has allowed many opportunities for me to get pulled back into ego.  I've watched myself get hooked by events, people, and mostly by my inner dialogue about what is going on.  It is the inner dialogue that causes me to get hooked.  

Young children do not yet have an inner dialogue.  An event happens (John takes their shovel) and they feel the emotion but they let it pass through them without attaching meaning ("people always take my shovels," "what is wrong with me that I can't ever hold onto a shovel"...) and they go back to the moment with joy.  Young children are experts at practicing the path of non-resistance (which I described in my last blog) and the path of unconditional happiness (2 blog posts ago).    

Jesus said that “Unless you become like little children you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Do I really need to attach meaning to situations?  Would I deal more effectively with what is right in front of me if I wasn't stuck attaching meaning to the present based on what I have experienced in the past?

At each moment I have a choice as to what I put my awareness on.  I can choose to be aware of what the ego is saying or I can be aware that I am much more than what the ego is saying.  I can choose to not attach to events, to let them go, and allow that which God intended me to be to show up as me.

an untethered soul

Some painful feelings this week lead me to read "pain, the price of freedom" in The Untethered Soul.  What I read moved me and inspired me to face my pains (all of them, the little pains and the big pains). In a nutshell, there is pain inside of us (Adya says that we were very open and vulnerable as children and we got wounded so we learned to close up around the pain).  Most of us go to great efforts to try to avoid the pain (by looking a certain way, talking a certain way, having enough people around, keeping busy...).  Instead of letting this need to avoid pain run our lives (remember the "inner thorn" analogy with the complicated apparatus to keep from getting hurt in TUS?), we can choose to face the pain.

"To live at this level of freedom, you must learn not to be afraid of inner pain and disturbance.  As long as you are afraid of the pain, you will try to protect yourself from it.  The fear will make you do that.  If you want to be free, simply view inner pain as a temporary shift in your energy flow."  (TUS, p. 103)  

The pain is just temporary...if we allow ourselves to feel it, it will pass.

"If life does something that causes a disturbance inside of you, instead of pulling away, let it pass through you like the wind."  (TUS, p. 104)

Remember that "On the other side of the pain is ecstasy." (TUS, p. 105)  

"You must be willing at all times, in all circumstances, to remain conscious in the face of pain and to work with your heart by relaxing and remaining open." (TUS, p. 106)  

I have been noticing numerous fleeting situations that have touched my inner pain.  Some examples are: watching my son do (scary) dives during his spring-board diving class, worrying if I "said the right thing" during a recent conversation, financial concerns... There are so many opportunities to notice and release pain throughout the day.

I remind myself that the pain is only a shift in my energy.  The energy flow will return if I relax my heart.  This is how you untether your soul.

Are you ready to dive in?

A beautiful way to surrender is to do so by choosing the path of unconditional happiness.  Michael Singer talks about this on his CD "The Journey Within: Love is inside...Go find it."  This path is about letting go of how we think things should be or how we want things to be, accepting what is, and choosing to be happy (no matter what is showing up in our lives).  We can either spend lots of energy and effort trying to get the world to be what we want it to be so that we can be happy, or, we can simply choose to be happy since we know that our source of joy is from within.  (In some moments choosing joy is too difficult, in which case you  can choose gratitude since there is something to be grateful about in any situation).

Michael suggests that when something shows up that you don't like start with saying "I can handle this" and then play with your thoughts about it.  It is all a matter of attitude and perception...(e.g., if someone is driving really slowly in front of you ask yourself "They're going 10 mph, I wonder if they could go 5 mph?")

I have focused on this during the past week.  Lots of irritants have come up.  Instead of putting energy into what was irritating me I found that choosing joy no matter what brings a lighter attitude and a healing energy to my life. 

The ego will never be happy.  Even if we were to get everything that we wanted, at some point the ego would become dissatisfied and start to complain.  We can let all of that go and choose to be happy no matter what.

There is an ocean of joy (and a mountain of love) inside of each of us.  All that we need to do is dive in. 

intimacy

I find it challenging to surrender to the unknown in certain areas of my life, such as in relationships. There is a mountain of love inside of me that wants to be expressed, that is demanding to be expressed, yet there is a dam in front of the love holding it back.  The dam is made of fear, ego-concerns...blah, blah, blah.   This week I have practiced being vulnerable with others.  I do this by reminding myself before dealing with another person that "I am safe" and that I choose to be present and intimate/vulnerable.  Adya talks about intimacy as a willingness to be vulnerable with others, even with strangers.  That doesn't mean telling others our life story, it means showing up in relationships/conversations without needing to defend oneself.

I choose to practice surrendering to the unknown by showing up in relationships with an open heart and an open mind, letting my walls down, trusting that it is safe to express myself, and allowing Love to pour through me, in me, and as me.

surrendering to the unknown

I heard it said recently that 'It is all about surrender.'  The idea of surrendering to God the Source of Everything resonates with me very strongly both logically, emotionally, and intuitively.  However, in the moment, the ego feels the need to act and "take care of things" so to speak and the idea of surrendering to God can be forgotten.  

But surrender doesn't mean that one has to sit there and do nothing.  One can surrender to one's Higher Self in each and every moment and find a guidance to act that is infused with love, creativity, wisdom and power.

I had an example come up this week with my kids.  Instead of responding to a situation from my usual bag of parenting skills, I decided to take a relaxing breath, let go of my thoughts about what I should say and do, and ask my Higher Self for guidance.  What came to me was a creative solution that provided an opportunity for growth for both of my teenage children and myself.  There is a reason that this Self is called the Higher Self!

Adyashanti talks about surrender this way:    

"In order to see through the mind and the deeply ingrained sense of separation that continues to generate so much confusion and suffering in our lives, we must take a chance; we must leave what we know and enter that mysterious reality of the unknown…It’s the most humbling thing in the world to admit that we don’t know, to surrender to the fact that we can’t know the nature of reality with our minds.  This realization opens the way for us: the way to the greatest knowing is through not knowing…"   (Falling into Grace, p. 88-89)

We really don't know what needs to be said or done in each moment.  And as long as we are operating from ego, we will respond from the limited understanding of who we think we are and our limited view of others.    

Adya says that surrendering to this unknowing "is a state of great availability and openness, and it's from this willingness to realize how little we really know, that our consciousness begins to shift.  It begins to shift from the mind and ego into its natural state...that doesn't fight against our inner or outer environment."  (falling into grace, p. 89)  He describes this as a state of openness and ease.  

"Dive fully into this openness and avail yourself of the intimacy found there, in not knowing."  (falling into grace, p. 90)     

to suffer or not to suffer...that is the question

"If we want to stop suffering, if we really want to bring an end to suffering, we've got to wake up.  'Waking up' means awakening to the truth of our being, and it also means waking up from a whole host of illusions...The truth is that waking up can be a disturbing process...Who really wants to find out that we're all addicted to qualities like approval, recognition, control, and power, and that none of these things actually brings an end to suffering.  In fact, they're the cause of suffering!"

Adya goes on to say that ending suffering has to do with seeing reality and truth instead of what is imagined.   It is looking at ourselves in the mirror- not "the way we usually do-with regret, judgment, blame" but seeing that "we are the ones who are causing our own suffering, and it's we alone who can find the way out." (falling into grace, p. 162).

Adya says that there is something deep within us (something unconscious) that wants us to suffer, that way we can maintain the belief that we are separate.  

"We continue to hold onto our ideas, thoughts, and beliefs as if our lives depended on them."  The life of our ego depends on these beliefs.  "That part of ourself that wants to see itself as separate doesn't really want to merge back with the source, but would rather pay the price and stand up as a separate being, no matter what the cost, and assert its view upon the world." (p. 164)

I've read this chapter before but I think this time I am getting it a little more deeply.  I've had several situations arise in the last couple of days which have triggered my need for approval and recognition.  I've watched the feelings of hurt arise and I have chosen to relax (really relax my belly) and let the feelings, thoughts and situations pass through me.  I do not want to feed the illusion of separation. I do not want to suffer.

I am causing my own suffering by being addicted to approval, recognition, control, power, being right, looking competent, having opinions...  I let these things go and I bring my awareness back to Truth...that there is no separation, that I am one with God, that I can be free should I choose to let go of my need to assert my views upon the world!

"What wants to be said here?"

I am feeling prompted to listen to the guidance of Spirit more in my daily interactions.  I am enjoying the process of asking "What wants to show up here?"  or "What wants to be said here?".  When I remember to ask these questions I become more centered.  My responses come from a deeper, wiser place instead of from my conditioned mind (ego, fear-based...).  Sometimes I am guided to remain silent, other times I have found myself saying things like "I love you."

Since we are all connected and there is this "We" space between us, asking "What wants to be said here?" helps me to tap into that sacred space. It helps me to realize that what is going on in the situation is not about me.  It is about something greater than me being expressed through me, through the other person, or through the relationship.

The separation that stands between us is a veil.  We are already One.  I set the intention to step into that awareness with greater clarity and heart-felt presence.

what lense are you using?

During a brief guided meditation over the weekend, I became aware of a deep-seated conclusion that I have been operating from in certain areas of my life.  The conclusion is one of unworthiness and although it is not operating in all areas of my life and at all times, it is a part of my egoic self and it blocks me from experiencing the Higher Self.  During the meditation I also became aware of a bright light shining beneath the unworthy view of self.

Adyashanti says "we all yearn for a sense of wholeness and freedom, and yet we attempt to get there through trying to change ourselves, struggling to alter who and what we are.  But struggling is the antithesis of what opens the way for us to awaken from the egoic state of consciousness."  (Falling into Grace, p.76)

If we want to move beyond the struggle to a sense of wholeness, Adyashanti says:  "All that's required is that you begin to notice that place within you that's not struggling...(the place of peace or joy or stillness)...Then just be quiet for a moment, and listen."  (Falling into Grace, p. 77)

I recently heard Rev. Carolyne Mathlin at Unity of Tustin speak about the same topic (Go to www.unitytustin.org if you want to hear the talk given on 10/21/12).  Rev. Carolyne referred to these conclusions that we hold as the lense through which we see our lives. Once we become aware of the lense that we are using, we will be more likely to notice when we are using it.

Rev. Carolyne suggests that whenever you find yourself in a situation where you are saying "When have I seen this before?" or "Here we go again" perhaps you are re-living your story.  Instead of unconsciously responding from the limited ego, you could move your awareness to the witness or a place of quiet within and ask  "How can I respond differently in this situation?"  Similarly, I have heard Adya ask "What wants to be said here?"

I have had a couple of situations arise this week that have tapped this worthiness issue for me.  I have been letting go of the struggle and sitting in the silence.  I will also notice how I can respond differently as situations arise.  I will keep you posted.

take no thought...

So often I am aware of my mind drawing conclusions and making judgments about myself, others, or events (finances, politics, relationships...).  This is the job that I have given my mind to do: fix everything on the outside so that I can feel good on the inside.

When I do this I am way out of balance, operating from my head instead of being grounded in my heart and body.

Also when I make judgments and draw conclusions, I am not accepting what is.  For example, in Falling into Grace (pp. 115-117) Adyashanti talks about letting go of conclusions from the past because it is these beliefs that something should or shouldn't have happened that leads to suffering.  The fact is things did happen and these things were often painful.  The healing occurs when we feel through the situation not by staying stuck on the idea that it should not have happened.  (This is true for past or present situations).

"Any time you argue with what was, what is, or what will be, you limit your ability to experience the vastness of who you are." (falling into Grace p. 116) 

I am reminded of the Buddhist story that goes something like this:
A farmer says to a neighbor "I captured a wild horse today."
The neighbor said "That's good."
The farmer replied "How do you know?"

The next day the farmer's son broke his leg when he tried to tame the horse.
The neighbor said "That's too bad."
The farmer replied "How do you know?"

The next day a war started and because the son had a broken leg he didn't have to fight in the war.
The neighbor said "That's good."
The farmer replied "How do you know?"...

The question is 'Can we let go of conclusions and judgments, and, accept what is?'  This may result in a greater awareness of feelings or a greater intensity of feelings.  The feelings will pass.  They always do.

Please join me this week in watching the mind do its thing and choosing not to get involved.  Let go of the conclusions and judgments and allow the vastness of who you are to emerge.

purifying ourselves

If we want to see the light in ourselves and in others than we need to let go of the thoughts, perceptions and feelings that blind us from Truth.

So often I see myself reacting to others and situations based on behaviors and reactions that were conditioned from my past.  Both Adya and Michael Singer talk about letting the emotions move through us in order to be free of these past issues (or blockages).

Adyashanti talks about "having a complete experience" which is to "find the capacity to feel what we feel without creating more thoughts about it." (falling into grace, p. 107) The goal is to feel the feelings all the way through and not just repress them nor act them out.  It also means not telling ourselves a story about the feelings (e.g., if we are sad about the loss of a job not telling ourselves something like "I'll never find another job in this economy" or "I'm such a failure.").  Just feel the sadness (or whatever the feeling is) and let go of the judgments and conclusions.

Adya says that crying occurs because "our bodies are trying to purify us by washing away painful and toxic emotions...(but) our mind is doing the opposite.  It is re-traumatizing us with its stories and conclusions."  (falling into grace, p. 108)

There is a very bright light in each and every one of us just waiting to shine.  The judgments and conclusions that we make about what is occurring in our lives keep us from experiencing our light and from seeing the light in others.  It is also the avoidance of painful emotions that keeps us blocked from the light.  By staying centered in the moment we can allow life to show us which thoughts and feelings are blocking us from the light and we can choose to let them go.

seeing the divine in everything

"If you would learn the secret of right relations, look only for the divine in people and things, and leave all the rest to God."  --J. Allen Boone in Kinship with All Life.

I really like this quote.  When I am having difficulty seeing the divine in others I say the Ho'oponopono prayer. Here is my version of that prayer.  With the other person in mind I say:

I am sorry for all of the things that have happened to you that keep you from knowing the Truth of who You really are.
Please forgive me for not seeing you as the Light of God.    
Thank you God for expressing as (person's name)
Thank you (person's name) for being my mirror.
I love you.

We have all had many things happen to us that keep us from knowing our divine nature. We also all fail to see the divinity in others at times.  Yet we can choose to see the divine in ourselves as well as in others.  As we do so, our relationships will unfold in divine order.

liberation

In the midst of our everyday lives what if we just let go...let go of the struggle, the thoughts, the feelings, the past, and the future?  What if over and over again we watched the ego do it's thing and then we surrendered control and just let life be?

Whenever I do this something inevitably comes up to challenge me.  An area where I am blocked presents itself.  Instead of getting discouraged these situations can be looked at as opportunities to grow, to let go of that which is blocking me from freedom.  When I allow the circumstances in my life to keep me trapped in ego-mode I can let go.  I can say a prayer of thanks because I am being given another opportunity to let go of some of the illusion that keeps me stuck.

I remind myself constantly that what is happening in my life is not my source of joy, peace or love.  Whether things are apparently going well or not, I can choose to turn my attention inward to the place of being-ness which is where my essence can be found.

"Begin this journey to freedom by regularly reminding yourself to watch the psyche... Ultimately, every change in your energy flow, whether it's agitation of the mind or shifts in the heart, will be what reminds you that you are back there noticing.  Now what use to hold you down becomes what wakes you up... This path of letting go allows you to free your energies so that you can free yourself.  Right in the midst of your daily life, by untethering yourself from the bondage of your psyche, you actually have the ability to steal freedom for your soul. This freedom is so great it has been given a special name-liberation."  (TUS, pp. 96-98)

  

the existential mystery of being

In an essay titled "The Question of Being" Adyashanti says "To remain unconscious of being is to be trapped within an ego-driven wasteland of conflict, strife and fear... Nothing could be less real than what we human beings call reality.  By clinging to the mind in the form of memory and thought, we are held captive by the movement of our conditioned thinking and imagination, all the while believing that we are rational and sane... Deep down we all suspect that something is very wrong with the way we perceive life but we try very, very hard not to notice it."        

Adyashanti says that we avoid noticing that there is something wrong with the way we perceive life  "through an obsessive and pathological denial of being-as if some dreadful fate would overcome us if we were to face the pure light of truth and lay bare our fearful clinging to illusion."  

As I continue on this spiritual journey I see more and more that I cannot rely on this so-called "reality" to define me nor my well-being.  What is happening in my life just is...but it is not who I am.  No matter how tempting it is to stay trapped in the illusion of what is happening, I choose to go to God for peace, for love, for guidance.  It is through being-present-in-the-moment, (not by doing or avoiding what is) that I will find God.  When something uncomfortable arises I allow myself to feel the feelings.  I remind myself to hold my thoughts lightly.  I remind myself that I do not know who I really am nor who others really are, and, that what I am experiencing is illusion no matter how real it seems.  I ask myself the question: "Who is it that is noticing this situation?" in order to move my awareness to the neutral observer.  By letting go in this way I am opening myself to God's guidance in the situation and to a deeper awareness of Self.

How lovely it would be to completely lay bare my fearful clinging to illusion and face the pure light of truth.  I know that facing this truth means letting go of the illusion of self, of this persona named Donna.  This requires courage.  But what I am letting go of is nothing more than an image that I have created to navigate through this life.  There is more to this self than that and I trust that God will show me the way back to my Self as I open to Truth.

"Within each of our forms lies the existential mystery of being" ~ Adyashanti

Everything is God

Please join me in contemplating the following questions posed by Adyashanti:

"Everything is God incarnate.  When you open yourself to this, how does it change how you operate in this life?  How would you talk to your neighbor if you saw him or her as a very ordinary human being just like you, but also, deep down inside, as an incarnation of God?  Could you hold both these realities at once: that all aspects of life have their everyday and normal qualities, but that they are also a complete expression of divinity? Can you imagine how you might interact with others if you knew they were both at the same time?"  (falling into grace, pp. 96-97)

:

Who am I?

When I was at the Mantra concert a couple of weeks ago, some of my blockages got triggered.  The discomfort was very intense but I stayed with it, breathing and relaxing and letting the feelings have their space.  I said a heartfelt prayer "help God" and let it be. After a few moments the feelings subsided and I felt at peace.  (It kind of reminded of me of an exorcism, or, the childbirth experience of riding through waves of pain so that new life can be born.)

As I go through these kinds of experiences I am becoming more and more aware of who I am not (this egoic self with all of its beliefs, preconceived notions, feelings, desires) and I am becoming more and more curious about who I really am.  Of  course my ego still tries to orchestrate my life and I often get caught up in this, but I am seeing that this is not me.  Sometimes I am spiritual, sometimes kind and loving, other times irritable or jealous or anxious...  Michael Singer says that these are experiences that we are having but they are not who we are.

The reality is that I really have no idea who I am.  Adyashanti talks about sitting with a question such as "Who am I?"  This one can't be figured out with the brain.  It involves letting go of who I think I am (moment after moment) and letting Truth show up.

I am committed to this process.  My intention is to do my best each day to be aware of what I am experiencing in each moment, to relax in the face of my discomfort/fears/pain, and to be open to whatever God intends for my life to be.

"What happens to one who walks this path toward God?...imagine what would happen if you started feeling tremendous love for all creatures, for every plant, for every animal, and for all the beauties of nature.  Imagine if every child seemed like your own, and every person you saw looked like a beautiful flower, with its own color, its own expression, shape, and sounds...The process of judging has simply stopped.  There is just appreciating and honoring." (TUS, p. 176-177)

It is possible to reach this consciousness because others have done so.  I believe that this is what we are all here to do.  Let's join together (through intention, through prayer, through action) and make this our reality.  And so it is.

"Show me the way God, show me the way."

I recently attended a wonderful concert with chanting by Karl Anthony called “Mantra.”  Very powerful.  I highly recommend that you check out the link (http://www.KARLANTHONY.com) and get thee to a concert!  Karl mentioned a dark period in his life when he found himself sitting in a dark room not knowing if he would ever be able to perform again.  He started chanting which brought him out of his despair and lead to the idea of the Mantra concerts.

As most spiritual teachers tell us the darkness is often (maybe always?) a part of the awakening process.  Perhaps in the dark we can't see as clearly with the egoic eyes.  It seems as if we are closer to our true essential nature when we are in touch with these raw emotions.  I had an experience a number of years ago as I was walking a labyrinth at the CSLCV.  During the first third of the labyrynth I was concerned with whether I was "looking spiritual" enough (the year before when I walked the labyrinth someone said 'you were on fire in there' so I was concerned about doing that again), then as I entered the middle third of the labyrinth my feelings went deeper and I experienced the emotional pain related to the ending of a relationship, and when I reached the center of the labyrinth those feelings had passed and I felt the peace of Spirit. Can we trust the process of our lives...accepting what we are experiencing in each moment knowing that we are being lead back home to God, love, peace?

I have been experiencing a series of reoccurring feelings as I continue with my spiritual practices.  First it was pain, then shame, and now fear seems to be the feeling of the month.  As these feelings arise I am learning to let them be.  I’ve talked a lot about releasing and letting go of feelings based on Michael’s writings.  It is not necessarily letting go of the feeling (and expecting the feeling to disappear) but it is letting go in the midst of the feeling that can allow whatever healing or insight is ready to appear to show up (like perhaps the idea to create the Mantra concerts).

At this point my spiritual journey feels like a dance.  It seems like I am swaying back and forth between feeling the love of God, and, experiencing the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings associated with what life is presenting to me (i.e., samskaras).  I am learning to let go and trust.     

As Karl so powerfully sings “Show me the way God, show me the way.”    

"you can't outrun yourself"

I spent some time this week thinking about my story and the conclusions that I have drawn from this story (e.g., how I got the message that I am not able to freely express myself for fear of being rejected).  Understanding how these fears developed helps me to see that they are based on illusion...another person's pain causing them to act in a way that I gave personal meaning to which resulted in my pain.

The fear itself is not the problem, it is when I let the fear dictate how I operate in my life that problems arise.    It is when I let the fear and pain keep me from really opening to others in an undefended way that I remain stuck. This is not the way I want to live and I realize that the only way out is through...through the fear and pain. (This same message permeates The Untethered Soul, especially when Michael talks about samskaras and in Part 4:  Going Beyond)

Adyashanti says:  "There has to be a willingness to feel that fear again, feel the hesitation, feel the tendency to recoil -if it's there- and to have the willingness to move into it, to actually become intimate with the fear itself.  Union with fear isn't something that many of us consider when we think of intimacy and relationship.  But when you are willing to be intimate with your resistance, closer than you imagine, then you will see that your fears are not your enemies; they are your allies."  (falling into grace, p. 154)

Adya says that being intimate with fear involves feeling it and then staying with it, not running away from the feeling.  The tendency will be to recoil but that is not possible because "It's a fear that's created within your own being and you can't outrun yourself." (falling into grace, p. 156)

It seems like I am being inundated with these messages:  let go of the mind/psyche/ego, walk through my fears, open my heart, connect with others because we are all One.   Although it may seem like we have forever to do these things, our time on this human plane is limited.  It is time to move through the fear,  experience life as it is showing up, and let God take over the reigns.

beginner's heart

Adyashanti talks about how we all crave intimacy and deep closeness with others, yet at the same time we are frightened by this closeness.  That is because we opened ourselves up to others as children and were wounded...therefore we close down in order to protect ourselves from further hurt.

Adya also says    "Somehow, we must find the willingness and the courage to open ourselves to true relationship, so that we can become once again open to true intimacy.  Whether through a relationship with another human being, with the environment, or even simply with our own self, the invitation is to come into this true intimacy, this profound sense of human connection." (falling into grace, p. 152). 

Being intimate with others "requires a depth of insight and a deep willingness to be open to fear- to be willing to see the parts of you that don't want to open." (falling into grace, p. 153).  This requires not only being in beginner's mind, but also being in beginner's heart.     

The questions that I ask myself are 'Am I willing to be open and vulnerable in relationships so that I can find  where I am blocked (i.e., where my inner thorns are that I am protecting)?'  'Am I willing to face the pain when it arises so that I can let go of these blocks and move into a deeper realization of Self and a greater intimacy with others?'  This is a daily practice and every moment is an opportunity to become more intimate with myself, my environment or others.  It all boils down to whether I am willing to experience the pain in the short run in order to have freedom and the intimacy that I crave in the long run.

Michael on Oprah

It was great to see Michael on Oprah today!  I was reminded of the chapter on the inner thorn and the idea that on this spiritual journey life shows us our inner thorns (any time you feel even the slightest inner disturbance, you have found a thorn).  We can choose to either protect them (which means we keep them) or remove them (which is painful but then they are gone).  As Michael said to Oprah, all that we have to do is relax in the face of our inner disturbances and they will heal themselves, just as a splinter would work its way out of our body if left alone.

Michael shared a personal experience: His company was indicted for fraud and during the 6 years that the case was being investigated he never once blamed God nor felt that the situation was unfair even though he knew that they were innocent.  Instead, he used it as an opportunity to let go of any remaining sense of personal self.  He let go of concerns about what others thought about 'Michael Singer.'

We can do the same.  This self that we have developed is not real.  These thoughts that we hold onto in order to maintain this self, have no meaning (other than the meaning that we give them as the Course in Miracles says).  The thoughts only serve to get in the way of us experiencing Spirit, Joy, Peace, and Love.  I saw that clearly this week.  For years I have held on to a belief about how one family member was being treated by another and what that family member should do about it...basically distance herself from the other person.  She didn't and now the other person is changing his tune in a positive way.  My thoughts, my judgments about this were really just wasted energy.

As Michael reminded us today, all of our thoughts are just ideas that have been programmed from our past, they are not real, we should not listen to them.  My new mantra:  my 'self' does not know anything.  There really is no self but that is too much for my little brain to grasp all at once.  I will start with letting go of thoughts.

As I hold thoughts lightly and let them go, what I often experience is the fear, pain, and other feelings that I have been trying to avoid.  This is why we have created the false self in the first place...to help us navigate "comfortably" in life.  To let go means we have to face the pain that is involved with removing the thorn.  Ultimately, by letting go of this personal self altogether we will have to face the fear of the unknown.  The alternative is to spend our lives protecting our thorns.  Remember the description of the bulky apparatus that Michael described in TUS?

More about feelings, including Adyashanti's teachings about 'beginner's heart' in an up-coming blog.

The Bond

(FYI, Michael Singer will be interviewed by Oprah at 11:00AM this Sunday August 5th on the Oprah Winfrey channel OWN!  As far as I am aware this is a first because he does not usually speak outside of his center in Florida.) 



"What matters is not the isolated entity, but the space between things, the relationship of things.  The Bond."  (Lynne McTaggart, The Bond, inside of the front cover)

In "The Bond" Lynne McTaggart Lynne cites an abundance of evidence from both the physical and social sciences that we are all connected.  She talks about the idea that our true nature is to connect not compete.  Survival of the fittest is not an accurate reflection of human nature.  Wanting to belong, to give, and being altruistic are our true nature.  Lynne provides numerous examples of people putting others first, even if it means putting their own lives at risk (For example, the Air France Airbus plane crash where passing motorists safely pulled out 309 passengers moments before the plane burst into flames).  Could it be that we do these things because at our most basic level we are all one?  Might this also be why we long for love and acceptance?

This is what Michael Singer and Adyashanti have been saying when they talk about letting go of the individual self.  It is only the egoic self that thinks it is separate.  It is the need to protect this self-image that interferes with our innate urge to connect with others.  The egoic self compares itself to others, judges, worries that it is not enough or that it is not getting enough, competes, feels superior...  The egoic self cannot love because it always needs something in return.

Lynne cites studies that show that people are healthier both physically and emotionally when they are connected with others.  We need each other.  Period.  Others are not a threat...but to the ego, they can be.  To the ego, some people are shunned because they are different or weird.  The ego is all about impressing others not connecting with others.  As we have been talking about, we are not our egos.  This individual self is something that we created to navigate more comfortably in life yet it keeps us in bondage (Remember Michael Singer's analogy of the comfortable but boarded-up house built in the middle of the beautiful field of light?)

In Truth, we are here to support and love each other.  Opening to others is what we are meant to do.  Michael Singer says (and I am paraphrasing loosely) that eventually we are going to have to open our hearts to the whole world.  Why not start now by recognizing our true nature and letting go of the fears and insecurities of the egoic self?  We have tools to do this.  Witness and release for one.  Another, holding  thoughts lightly.  I have found judgmental thoughts to be the biggest block to my connecting with others.  

 A phrase that I heard repeatedly growing up in the Catholic church comes to mind: "We are One Body in Christ."  Whether the perspective is physics, biology, psychology, sociology, religion, or New Thought philosophies the same conclusion is being reached: it is the relationship between things that matters, not the individual.  Now, let us bring this awareness to our moment-to-moment interactions.      

holding thoughts lightly

It has been really useful for me to hold my thoughts lightly, and, see the world through innocent eyes.  Sometimes it can be hard to "let go" of a thought, but when I hold a thought lightly it no longer seems as meaningful or important and I find that I let it go more easily. 

I realize how much weight I have given to my thoughts.  I now know that these thoughts are conditioned responses based on my past experiences and not necessarily an indicator of how I need to live my life.  Of course we have to think about things in our lives, but I am seeing that my thoughts and emotions (which I will focus on in the next blog) do not need to run the show.  I now choose to hold them lightly and allow a deeper Truth to come forth.

 

This reminds me of the Bible phrase “You can’t put new wine into old wineskins” and the idea from Einstein that you can’t fix a problem with the same consciousness that created it.  I am ready for a new Consciousness.  I will hold my thoughts lightly, thus making room for Truth to express in, as, and through me.     

beginner's mind

Jesus said "Unless you become like little children you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven."

Similarly, Adyashanti talks about staying in beginners mind "because in beginner's mind the possibilities are infinite.  They're open.  Anything can happen.  You're open to learn anything you need to learn.  If your view of something needs to change, you're open for it to change." (falling into grace, p. 149)


"If you stay in innocence, in the mind that's very light, that never takes its ideas as truth, then there will be a much greater potential for your thoughts, as well as your communications with others, to be naturally inspired." (falling into grace, p. 150)

Despite my strong longing to have my thoughts and interactions inspired naturally, I find that my mind really wants to be in charge.  I find Adya's words to be very helpful.  I can hold my thoughts lightly because I know that there is a greater wisdom and power available to me than this limited mind.

opening to Self

Whatever is happening right now in your life is not who you are.  You and I are so much more than we can even imagine.  Let us not let whatever worldly event is going on, define us.  We are so much more than what we are feeling, thinking, and doing.  We are made in the image and likeness of God.  We are One with Spirit.

If we want to embody the deeper Truth of who we really are, than we need to let go of the false sense of self that we call our personality or personal identity (AKA, the psyche, ego, persona).

There is a choice in each moment to either cling to and build that personal self or relax our belly, open our heart, and move our awareness to the self as the Observer.  This is the doorway to God.  Have you heard it said that you must lose yourself in order to find your Self?

It is easy to resist what is happening in the moment especially when I am uncomfortable.  One of my favorite ways to do this is to jump right into my head to try to "figure it all out."  When I stay grounded in my body and open my heart I am more likely to remember to observe and release.


I set the intention to experience this week with a relaxed belly, an open heart, and an alert mind.  My mind is alert to what it is noticing...am I lost in the thoughts of the psyche or am I aware of my Self as the Watcher of my thoughts?  With an open heart I am kind and gentle with myself and I see others through soft eyes.  I accept what is happening and I let it go, allowing a higher expression of who I am to pour forth.     

meditation

My third spiritual practice is meditation.  The following paragraphs are from a comment that someone posted on my blog last year: 

Recently I read something from physicsforum.com that seems to agree that Michael Singer's idea that the mind        (the "roommate") isn't the one to turn to in meditation: 

"In athletics they say it is good to practice. I play racquetball, and it is interesting to see someone reserve a court to do drills, and then watch them spend an hour actually practicing how to hit the ball incorrectly! I know and used to play with people who play several times per week, and who haven't budged an inch in years in terms of their skill level. Me, I got bored never getting better, so I took lessons and moved on. The moral of the story is, if you practice bad habits, then you will just make things worse, so it is important to learn how to practice in ways that lead to constant improvement. 

When you say you "find it impossible to clear my mind of all thought and I have yet to attain the blissful, spiritual feeling that is said to come with a quieted mind," and that you want to achieve the "no thought" experience, I believe I know exactly what the problem is. People who teach themselves to meditate, or who are taught by someone who thinks meditation is merely a calming of the mind, often believe something about how their own consciousness works which is inaccurate. This belief determines how they practice, and consequently why they get stuck.

The inaccurate belief is that consciousness is primarily mind. By “mind” I mean, the collage of images, feelings, desires, aversions, beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, biases, etc. that dominate most people’s awake moments. When someone decides they’d like to quiet that, they rely on what they are most familiar with. And guess what that is. Yep, it’s the mind itself. How is an unremittingly moving mind going to quiet itself? It isn’t, which is why so many people give up on meditation. Whatever slight benefit they get from sitting quietly in a room and doing nothing (and that does have a calming effect), along with the fact that one’s practice never goes much deeper, eventually bores one and usually convinces one the benefits of meditation have been exaggerated. 

So what’s the solution? There is a huge secret in all this. In my opinion, if you find it, you will progress, and if you don’t then you will never get anywhere. The secret is, mind is not the primary aspect of consciousness. There is a bright, ever-so-subtly pulsating place inside at the foundation of consciousness, which is already perfectly still. Fortunately for us, there are inward-turning techniques that can help consciousness merge with that brilliant tranquility. When we join it, the power of it automatically stills the mind. That’s how inner peace is achieved in meditation practice, and not by trying to stop one’s mind with the mind.



Some "inward-turning" techniques that I find helpful are focusing on the breath and breathing into the heart and out through the 'third eye.'  When I am having a really hard time focusing on anything but my noisy mind I find it helpful to do the following:  Inhale into my chest filling it with air and holding it there for the count of 10, then slowly exhaling through the third eye.  Then inhaling into my belly and holding the air there for the count for 10 and slowly exhaling.   Repeat several times alternating between breathing into the chest and the belly.  Always exhale through the third eye.


I welcome any meditation techniques that you find helpful and would like to share.       

a thought to ponder

I ran across this phrase recently and it really struck me:

Your destiny lies 

 on the road 

that you have been avoiding.

May your contemplation be fruitful.

purifying the darkness

Many of us use the expression "It's all good."  What this really means to me is that everything can be used for our good because every situation is an opportunity to grow.  With each situation we have a choice to either try to change/fix what is happening, or, let go and allow the situation to change us (sometimes this involves "doing" something of course, but that comes after we witness and let go).  

I had a situation happen the other day where I 'put my walls up' instead of 'opening up' in a way that I would have liked.  Instead of being hard on myself, I chose to feel the disappointment and related feelings and let them go.  As I moved my awareness to the Observer Self, witnessed the thoughts and feelings, and relaxed my body an insight came to me regarding the situation.  It was an insight about the ways that I sometimes respond in life which no longer serve me.  It was only by staying present with what was right in front of me and letting go that I was able to move deeper within and reach this insight.

Michael Singer says:
"When a blockage gets hit, it is a good thing.  It's time to open up internally and release the blocked energy. If you let go, and permit the purification process to take place inside, that blocked energy will be released." (TUS, p.78)

"No matter what happens below you, just turn your eyes upward and relax your heart.  You do not have to leave the seat of Self in order to deal with the darkness.  It will purify itself if you let it.  Getting involved in the darkness does not dispel darkness; it feeds it.  Don't even turn towards it.  If you see disturbed energies within you, it's okay.  Don't think that you don't have blockages left to release.  Just sit in the seat of awareness and never leave.  No matter what goes on below you, open your heart and let it go...Always let go as soon as you're aware that you didn't." (TUS, p.78)

a different dimension of being

I am currently focused on 3 spiritual practices:  letting go of judgment, observing and letting go of the thoughts and feelings of the psyche, and grounding in the silence through meditation.  I plan to blog about each of these practices over the next week or two.

Judgment.  I am becoming more aware of the the judgments as they arise.  Any satisfaction that I might have obtained from judging in the past (judging someone as ignorant, for example, so that I can feel better about myself), is now being over-shadowed by a sense of distaste for doing the judging.  The judgmental thoughts keep me from getting close to others.  Self-judgments do not serve any worthwhile purpose.  Judgments interrupt any inner harmony that I am feeling.  They keep me from accepting life the way it is showing up, therefore they are a set-up for struggle.  When I am judging I am listening to the neurotic roommate that Michael Singer talked about instead of being open to the guidance of Spirit.

Letting go of judgments is like trying to remove wallpaper that has been glued onto a wall for a long time...every once in awhile you come across a strip that peels right off, but often the paper does not want to budge.  Peeling it back requires persistence and patience.  When I am having difficulty letting go of a judgment I set the intention to relax and let it go.  I ask myself "Is this judgment worth closing myself off from Love/shakti/the energy of Spirit?  Do I want to poison my inner environment with this negative energy?"  Michael Singer suggests putting our focus on the point between the eye brows (the third eye) and letting go from there.  He says that our energy will always go to the highest point.


This quote by Adyashanti points the way to an inner freedom that exists on the other side of our judgments, pre-conceived thoughts, and expectations:

"As we begin to meet life as it is rather than as we think it should be, as we let go of our need to control and continuously interpret our experience, we start to open to life in completely new ways.  We become deeply grounded in silence.  The nature of this silence is a lack of conflict with life, and the more we open to this state of nonconflict, to this state of inner stillness, we begin to fall into grace of a different dimension of being---a dimension rooted in a deep intimacy with our own lives and with existence itself."  (falling into grace, p. 135)

from judgment to silence

There have been many challenges this week in letting go of judgments.  Sometimes I find that it is much easier to let go as soon as I notice the judgmental thought starting to grow, instead of waiting until I have built a case for why I should be judging.  I also find that accepting myself for judging is necessary in order to let the judgments go.  I am learning to say things to myself like "I am in a judgmental mood right now and that is okay."  I certainly do not want to feed the judgments nor do I want to judge myself for judging.  Instead I ground myself in the moment by noticing where I am at, take a breath, and let it be.

Adyashanti and Michael Singer talk about how the thoughts in our minds, the judgments, the stories we tells ourselves keep us from experiencing the moment.  They keep us locked in the confines of the psyche and thus cut off from the power of Spirit.  We use our minds to fix our problems so that our lives run smoothly but ultimately this does not work and we end up struggling with life.  Adyashanti says:

"Revelation and insight come from ...a place that we as a culture seem to have so little respect for- a place called 'silence.'...We spend so much energy running away from silence, but silence is the ground from which awakening springs.  It's the ground from which we shift out of this egoic state of consciousness, out of this belief in separation."  (p. 86)

Adya says that silence is actually "a deep, wordless listening."  So you notice the stories, the judgments etc. that the mind makes and then you listen.

"When we begin to see that our mind is just a storyteller, however, then we begin to listen-not for more thoughts or more complicated understanding, but for the silence.  It is when you listen this way that you can see that it is only your mind that has the capacity to make you suffer.  Only your mind has the capacity to convince you to struggle.  Only your mind, nothing else.  It's all an inside job.  It's all happening inside of you." (p. 88). 

As Michael Singer suggests you don't work with the world, you work with the mind...not by changing it, but by transcending it through witnessing from the place of silence. 

letting go of judgments

As I was finishing up a run on Friday PM, it struck me that I need to let go of judgments, all judgments including judgments of myself, others, situations etc.  Since then I have noticed many things about judging.  My judgments are often subtle, a little criticism here and there about how I need to do better at this and that, or about how another person is wrong...  Sometimes my judgments are not so subtle. 

I can not emphasize enough how much freer I feel when I let go of judgments.  I now realize that judgments serve absolutely no purpose in my life.  It seems that one of the ways that I have used judging is to keep myself safe.  If I evaluate who or what I am dealing with, I can make better decisions about who or what is safe.  Not so.  I am finding that as I let go of judgments I am more centered and clear, and therefore it is much easier for me to deal with life.  Life is so much simpler when I do not judge.  Adya and Michael Singer talk about "accepting life as it is showing up" and "dealing with what is right in front of us" and I find that I can do this so much easier without judgments.

It is not always easy to let go of judgments, and, it requires a lot of focus to notice when I am judging.  I am changing some of my judgments to preferences (e.g., "I prefer to read this book" as opposed to "I do not like that book.").  Putting so much energy into what we do and do not like seems to be a waste of energy.   Michael Singer gives an example of how we might feel if our new neighbors turned out to be hillbillies.  Instead of judging them, why not view them as interesting?  Does it serve any purpose to judge others just because they are different?

Judgments come from the neurotic roommate not from the Self.  I choose to let them go.  I know this will be a process and I do not judge myself for the times that I mess up! :)

I am so grateful for the awareness that this is what I need to do in order to grow into a greater awareness of who I am.  Thank you God.

freedom from suffering

"Notice how your body feels when you argue with what is.  Notice the emotional change happening, and notice what happens when you begin to open your mind just a little bit and invite the possibility-just the possibility- that maybe your conclusions about an event in life, maybe your judgments about it aren't as true as you think.  Just holding the possibility in your mind, you'll see that your emotional environment begins to change.  You'll start to come more into the present moment and this is what freedom from suffering is all about." (Falling Into Grace, p. 117)

I've often thought that if I only made one change in my life, letting go of judgments would be the one to make.  To judge something is to argue with what is.  When you stop and think about it, arguing with what is is futile.  It prevents energy, events, feelings  etc.from moving through us.  It keeps us locked in the psyche and blocks us from experiencing the power of Spirit.  If I remember this each time I choose to make and hold onto a judgment, perhaps I will let it go more readily. 

As Adya suggests, the way to freedom is to accept what is showing up in each moment.  When we are no longer arguing with what is (thereby trying to change it) fearful feelings may arise.  By taking a breath and allowing the feelings to be, we will find a place of peace within (this is what Michael Singer described as the Observer who is watching the psyche experience fear). 

As Jesus said, "You must become like little children in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."  Little children, for the most part, live in the moment without judgment, without arguing with what is.  Join me this week in accepting life as it is showing up, opening to the possibility that our judgments aren't as true as we think, facing the feelings that arise with courage, and relaxing into a deeper place of Truth.

Awareness

I'm in NY for the week and didn't have a chance to post on the blog before I left. A thought from Michael Singer's CD: "The mind's power comes from consciousness. By focusing on my thoughts I give them power. I choose to put my awareness on Itself." As I am observing and experiencing life in exciting New York City I will do my best to keep my awareness on Itself.  Instead of feeding the thoughts of the neurotic roommate I open myself to the power of Spirit!

letting spirit be your guide

I have spent time this week noticing and letting go of my story and the conclusions that I have drawn.  If I am relaxed and open, life shows me what I need to let go off, including the blocked feelings and negative/limiting thoughts and beliefs.

Instead of trying to make life work by changing what is happening on the outside Michael Singer suggests focusing on yourself, namely, whether you are open or closed (i.e., Is your heart feeling open or closed? Are you relaxed or tight?)  As we stay open we will experience more love and joy.  Of course we still have to make decisions in our lives, and by remaining open and relaxed we will also be more likely to hear the guidance of spirit in our decision making. 

The following beautiful piece was written by Leonard Szymczak (Leonard is an author and therapist.  He will be speaking at the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley on May 27th.):

I recently drove to Los Angeles to visit a friend in hospital. Having set my GPS (AKAAlice) with the address, I confidently wove my way through traffic on the freeway. However, with the music blaring and my mind rehearsing an upcoming speech, I didn’t hear Alice announce the turnoff. Needless to say, I realized all too late that I had missed my exit. Instead of berating me, Alice reacted in a calm voice, “Recalculating,” then issued new instructions. It made me think of the times I have difficulty connecting with my inner GPS, Guiding Power of Spirit. Whenever my preoccupied mind whirls like an overhead fan, I can't hear the quiet voice gently guiding me to inner peace. I can't imagine Spirit screaming, "You bloody fool, pay attention!" though, I might say that myself. Rather, I think Spirit is more like Alice, who calmly recalculates without judgment. I'm ever so thankful for an internal guidance system that helps me navigate through dark tunnels and unfamiliar territory. When I veer in the wrong direction, I can count on Spirit to lovingly correct my position and direct me to a higher path. If you ever find yourself getting lost or taking a wrong turn, know that your internal GPS is always there to guide you. Merely set the intention to receive guidance then ask, “Where do I need to go or what do I need to do?” Be still and listen for the answer. There may be a brief period of recalculating, but rest assured, you will hear a gentle voice instructing you back Home to love and inner peace.

the vastness of who you are

Still working on noticing when I am reacting to my "story" and the conclusions that I have drawn from this story.  The conclusions that I am aware of aren't so much about blaming others, but more about how I view myself and the world.  Although I've done lots of personal work in these areas and have made progress, I still find the patterns operating in my life.  For example, the tendency to want to avoid feelings of criticism, rejection, and shame by presenting a certain persona to the world, pleasing others, trying to "get it right" ("it" meaning everything!) crops up more than I would like. 

As I have been choosing to observe and accept what is happening in my life I have felt more pain arise.  Adyashanti says:

"See what it's like when you can feel everything that is there, without telling yourself anything about it...As you become more and more conscious, your emotional suffering can become even greater for a short period of time.  Its like you're thawing out from a mental and emotional numbness.  But this thawing out is absolutely critical.  Because unless we purge ourselves of all the stories that contain our suffering, we won't ever feel the freedom and peace of interacting with life from the perspective of truth." (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)

"Any way that we come to conclusions in our mind about what is or what was or what will be, we are narrowing our experience of life...(and by doing so) you will limit your ability to experience the vastness of who you are."  (Falling Into Grace, p. 116)

Do you want to experience the 'vastness of who you are' or the 'limited self of the neurotic roommate?'  The choice is ours to make.

letting go of our conclusions

Adyashanti suggests that we maintain our suffering (i.e., deep-seated pain) by the stories that we tell ourselves about what happened.  In a nutshell, he suggests that once a person has told their story and felt the feelings, that they then tell the story without drawing conclusions.  (See falling into grace, pages 99-106 for a more in depth discussion of this process.)   It is possible to experience the story but without giving it any meaning.  He uses an example of a woman who was holding onto the story of how her mother was never there when she needed her and therefore she felt abandoned by her mother.  Once the woman told her story and embodied the feelings, Adya asked her to experience the event without words.  She didn't deny that the event happened, but she did not blame anyone either.  She didn't tell herself that she didn't get what she needed.  When she allowed herself to remember the event without telling herself a story about it, the emotion left.

Adya says it like this:

"It was at that moment when she began to realize this link between her mind and her body, between her emotional life and her thinking life.  She began to see how thought and feeling work together to create suffering...  Almost always this deep-seated pain and suffering that stays with us for many years, or even throughout an entire lifetime, are held in place by the unconscious conclusions that we make in the moment.  These moments might occur when we are young children, or when we come down with an illness, lose our job, or break up with a loved one- any moment where we experience deep sadness, grief, or anger.  When you can learn to separate the experience in these moments from the conclusions drawn by the mind, you begin to taste real freedom.  You begin to open a space within you where the emotions can come out in such a way that it doesn't have to repeat itself over and over." (falling into grace, p. 106).

In my work as a therapist as well as in my personal life, I see how these stories from our past stay embedded in our psyches.  Adya is providing us with a way to move beyond these stories and finally let go of the past (i.e., to let go of our samskaras as Michael Singer would say). 

In the last posting I talked about asking the question "What part of me does not want to let go?" when we are having difficulty letting a situation pass through us.  Here is another question that we can ask when we are suffering "What is the story that I am holding onto in this situation?  Can I allow myself to have this experience without drawing a conclusion?"

What beautiful techniques Michael Singer and Adyashanti have given us to use on this journey.  I will concentrate this week on noticing my stories and the conclusions I have drawn.  I welcome your comments and experiences with this as well.

Do you want form or do you want spirit?

Michael asks "Do you want form or do you want spirit?"  Form consists of things like money, relationships, health...  These are good things, however, the reason that we want them is because they make us feel open, energized, good on the inside...which is spirit.  So what we really want is spirit.    When you are feeling closed off from joy, love, peace ask yourself "What part of me wants to stay closed?"  "What part of me does not want to open?" and let go of that part of you.

I received an unexpected bill in the mail and my first reaction was to tense up with fear.  I found it helpful to ask "What part of me is staying closed now?"  The part of me that is afraid that my needs will not be met is the part that was keeping me from opening.  Realizing this, I was able to let go of that part of me.  

I asked the same question when I was unable to let go of some resentments this week.  The part of me that did not want to let the resentments go was the part of me that is afraid that I am not enough.  Once again, identifying which part of me was closed off, helped me to let go of the resentment.

Asking this question helps to ground me more deeply into what I am experiencing...both the thoughts and the emotions.  Adyashanti talks about the idea that we need to experience both our thoughts and feelings before we can let them go.  Once we have embodied the feelings and thoughts they will often pass. 

Some of our deeper pains will not pass so easily.  In my next posting I will discuss some of Adyashanti's thoughts about letting go of these deeper issues.


    

letting the energy flow

"The only thing that blocks the energy of Life flowing is human struggle. Life is way beyond the human. Because it is so present and so strong, if you would just pause and look at it, think about it, let it manifest itself, you'd begin to feel the Presence of this generating energy. Just turn to it, acknowledge its Presence, acknowledge that it fills all space and cannot be denied." Quote from Michele Longo-O'Donnell

This is the same idea as the messages that I have been talking about from Adyashanti and Michael: let go of struggle and open to the energy of life no matter what is happening in your life.

This week I had some feelings of worry about someone that I care about.  I sat with the feelings and relaxed into them.  This took me deeper into some pain (Michael would say that this was pain associated with a samskara or blocked energy from the past) which I felt and moved through.  However, some worry and a little heaviness remained.  Despite my best efforts I wasn't able to open up and let these feelings go.  After a little contemplation I realized that this path (or technique) isn't about making the feelings go away as much as it is about transcending the feelings and thoughts of the psyche.  I then did the following:  chose to accept where I was at emotionally (i.e., let go of the struggle), took a breath and relaxed the areas of my body where I was tense, and then I asked myself "Can I be happy even if these feelings are here?"  "Can I choose to open my heart to life even if everything doesn't feel just right?"  Once I chose to stop trying to make the negative feelings go away and opened myself to a higher experience I felt my mood lighten up and I started to feel more energy. 

The energy of life is always present within us. 

I am seeing more and more clearly how my struggles with life keep me from experiencing this energy.  It isn't about fixing the situations or the people in my life, including myself.  It is about choosing to let the energy of life flow inside of me. 

  

working with the heart

Since my goal is to work on myself and not the world, I have been paying very close attention to when my heart is blocked and when I am feeling love, joy, exuberance for life etc.  When I notice that something has triggered the closing of my heart (including when I feel blue or depressed) I set the resolve to work on my heart until it opens.  Ideally the process goes like this:  focus my awareness on what is going on emotionally, notice the closing or tightening of my heart (this is usually associated with judgment about myself or another, or a feeling of fear, regret, anxiety, loss, annoyance...), deciding not to let this situation close me from the flow of energy (love or joy), and relaxing my heart with lots of deep breaths.  During this process I read my heart carefully for signs of tightness, and I breath deeply to allow it to relax and open.  If I feel pain or fear I continue to relax and release the pain.  Sometimes a deeper feeling of pain is felt and I relax and release that pain.

I have noticed how easy it is to distract myself from unwanted feelings.  The pull to eat something, think about something else, get busy etc is very strong.  At times I would rather bury whatever I am experiencing and settle for the temporary sense of relief that I get from distractions.  Not much different than having a few drinks to escape from life's challenges.  But I know that this is just a temporary avoidance and if I really want to experience freedom I must deal with my present experience and let it go.
   
Michael describes this process as a way to let go of samskaras (blocked energy from the past).  I see that many of my reactions to even minor situations stem from a sense of not being enough and feelings of rejection from the past.  These present situations are gifts...they trigger areas of blocked energy (in psychology we call these unresolved past issues) that keep me from knowing my true essence. 

It seems like the only requirement to living a life of freedom and joy is to recognize that God is my source, not the world.  I choose to let go of  that which blocks me from experiencing this love and joy one moment at a time.

an inside job

I really like Michael's new CD set called "The Journey Within."  It has inspired me to spend my life learning how to embody love 24-7.  Yes, it is possible to live this way.  According to Michael we should all be "blissing out all of the time."  Ernest Holmes said  "If you do not love everyone you should begin to do so at once."  (Thank you Alene for the fb posting.)

Michael talks about how we try to arrange our lives so that we can feel the inner sense of happiness or love.  This doesn't work, at least not for long, because life is always changing and so we can never hold on to the happiness or security or love that we are trying to obtain.  He suggests that instead of changing our world to trigger these feelings inside of us, that we work within ourselves to experience these feelings.  Why not go directly for what we want (peace, love, joy within ourselves) so that we are not dependent upon outer circumstances?

Most people let the things that happen in their day determine their happiness.  When something happens that we "like" we feel good.  When something happens that we "don't like" we feel bad.  Most of what we like and don't like is based on past experiences (e.g., if someone reminds you of your uncle who you never liked, then you won't like them).  So we are basically trying to make the world fit into this set of pre-conceived notions and past experiences.  But these judgments cause us to close our hearts and thus block us from feeling happiness or love.   That is not what I want.  I would much rather be experiencing a state of love and joy. 

If you want to join me in this process, just notice how often during the day you are making judgments: this person is weird, that person is too loud, my neighbors are inconsiderate for parking their car in front of my house, I don't like traffic, the price of gas is too high...  We could go on forever with this kind of babbling. 

Instead of fixing the outside, I will notice which events pull me away from love and joy.  And I will work with me, not the world, until I am no longer pulled away from my natural state which is love.